


what the heck is a slogmas?

by estherroberts



Category: Ars Paradoxica (Podcast)
Genre: Ars Paradoxica Secret Santa, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 13:06:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13214382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estherroberts/pseuds/estherroberts
Summary: sally gets bored and invents a holiday





	what the heck is a slogmas?

**Author's Note:**

> happy secret santa, imperialarchon! <3

**SALLY GRISSOM (SG):** Diary of Sally Grissom, December 29th, 1944. The time in between Christmas and New Years is fucked. It’s like, old, used up, chewed up, curd or shit or whatever. I’m tired, Roberts and Wyatt are tired, Partridge and Barlowe are tired, and it’s hard to figure out where anything is going.

It’s all just… _slog._ Oooh! I love that word. Slog. It’s one of those words that sounds exactly like what it means, you know, like fluff or scum or moist. Anyway, yes. It’s the Nine-- nine? Days of Slogmas. We should made that a national holiday!

In honor of the Fourth Day of Slogmas, I’m going to try to do something nice for everyone. Maybe. Maybe not Barlowe. I don’t know anything about that guy.

[[SFX: radio tuning]]

 **SG:** Patridge!

 **ANTHONY PARTRIDGE (AP):** Grissom?

 **SG:** I have this plan. I want to do something nice for everyone for Slogmas.

 **AP:** What the heck is a Slogmas?

 **SG:** Slogmas-- like Christmas but grosser and it goes till New Year’s keep up, listen, I don’t know anything about Quentin and you do, so can you take care of him and Helen and I’ll take care of Roberts-and-Wyatt?

 **AP:** I thought _you_ were gonna do something nice for everyone.

 **SG:** We are. I meant, we.

[[SFX: radio tuning]]

 **SG:** ROBERTS!

 **ESTHER ROBERTS (ER):** Yes, Dr. Grissom?

 **SG:** Have you done your desk inspection yet today?

 **ER:** Yes, I did it first thing this morning, why?

 **SG:** Damnit!

 **ER:** What, why what’s going on? Is there something weird with my desk?

 **SG:** No just uh. Maybe do another go around? When you get a sec--

[[SFX: Esther rummaging through her desk]]

 **SG:** Oh. Okay. You found them.

 **ER:** What the… Dr. Grissom, did you buy me pearl earrings?

 **SG:** What?! No, no, no, I just… heard a rumor that there might be some of the same earrings that you were telling me you wanted because you said it’s hard to feel fancy in a lab coat and no one got you them for Hanukkah so I got them. For Slogmas. Slogmanukkah.

 **ER:** So…what I’m hearing is yes, you bought me the earrings?

 **SG:** Yeah.

 **ER:** Oh my goodness. Thank you! Thank you!

[[SFX: radio tuning]]

 **SG:** Wyatt. Yoo-Hoo. Wyatt. WyattWyattWyattWyatt. JACK REGINALD WYATT!

 **JACK WYATT (JW):** Huh? What?

 **SG:** Please, do me a favor and look at the exceedingly obvious wrapped present I ever so clearly placed right in front of your eyes.

 **JW:** Oh! Oh my god. Wow.

[[SFX: Jack rips open his present]]

 **JW:** WOW, HOLY SHIT SALLY, FIRECRACKERS? FIRE….WORKS? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

 **SG:** Merry Slogmas, Wyatt.

 **JW:** This is so dangerous, this is such a bad idea, why did you _do_ this, THANK YOU!

[[SFX: radio tuning]]

 **SG:** Diary of Sally Grissom, Still December 29th, 1944. Well, that was sort of, mostly a success? If Wyatt doesn’t blow up the lab, I mean, it will be. Partridge got Barlowe a tie or something boring and then he got Helen a ukulele, and told both of them they were presents from me. Which is cool, right? But also incorrect. And he still doesn’t think I’m getting him anything. Ha. Watch out.

[[SFX: radio tuning]]

 **SG:** Okay, you can open your eyes.

 **AP:** There’s no present here, Sally, this is just you sitting at a table.

 **SG:** Yep. I’m your present. Or rather, my _brain_ is. You’re allowed to ask me four questions about the future as your Slogmas present. It’s like, a my-present present.

 **AP:** Very funny. Wait. Four questions? Any questions I want?

 **SG:** Uh. Yes?

 **AP:** Okay. Leaping lizards, I was _not_ expecting this. Okay. When does the war end, what is this ‘internet’ you keep crying about all the time, did I become famous, and do people still eat M &Ms?

 **SG:** You sure you weren’t expecting this?

 **AP:** Oh, stuff it. Answer the gosh darn questions.

 **SG:** 1945, uh. The internet is a series of tubes running around the globe connecting us to a series of machines that have access to essentially any public data or information you could possibly need… basically. It gets more complicated when you factor in social media. And like, literally everything else. But yeah, it’s amazing. Sadly, I’ve never heard of an Anthony Patridge but, dude, I goofed the Order Of Things. Maybe in this timeline you do become famous. And HELL YEAH we still eat M&Ms! Let me tell you, I was so glad to hear they were already invented. Oh man. You should see your face.

 **AP:** I’m not making a face!

 **SG:** Yes you are, yes you are! You look like you just won the lottery, dude! It’s adorable.

 **AP:** Stop that. It’s just. It’s so fascinating. You’re _sure_ I can’t ask more questions?

 **SG:** Positive.


End file.
